A body on the bed

A body on the bed—still breathing

Lie, lie and lie—with vision and imagination

And could not sleep further, and could not control

His bizarre world, crushed with frustration, questions and fears

Of losing the track of history, friends and families

In a zombie of hopes

Day after day on a broken aged-old chair

He contemplates as if he is another Newton

Or at least the Galileo with wonder of the world

Of winning the race with questions and quests

The night he set his dream—no further

No further the ray passes on

He finds the big End

Of his world and his lust

Of being the Newton, and the other Galileo!!!

Western Europe! Not going there

This is funny! Nothing much on Western Europe, no presentation but something we talked much on why the Center is crazy with PhD journey, and if so what the classes will be offered. Anything at the beginning is dashing –here for instance, the new courses, faculty and what not! The professor mentioned courses like Epistemology of Education, Multivariate Research and College Teaching for Professoriate. I did not remember some of them.

However, issue of fear versus ignorance was remarkable in the context of how American (white) look at the foreigners. Several examples came on growing Latino population. We also talked on conservative movement in political and national strategic levels where the government and local administators do not think the need of multicultural society or they fear of outsiders. 

Change is a journey!

Tuesday night!

We dealt with column 4, a leadership model in which Kegan and Laskow “Seven languages for transformation: How the way we talk can change the way we work” examine different types of languages for transformation. In this 4^th language, it was fun while talking about our “big assumption”, however, I was not good at finding what my “big” assumption was! The way we think it operates our work places or the thought process that we possess in our activities or actions may sometimes tell what those assumptions would be. As men do not like to fail in any circumstance, and females become emotional in may stances, the ever-searched “truth” is hard to find. We, in every case, hold “ a big-time bad” case. The beauty of the immune system—related to community, colleague, or family is testable. We try ourselves to change as much as we can because change is a journey. The professor looked around the class, actually seriously to each face presented, and adjourned the class saying, “stay thirsty my friends!”

Did you call me an Indian?

Indian Colleagues Dancing

Did you call me an Indian?

Did you call me an Indian?

I did not hear you because

I was busy dancing with you

In the rhythm of your song

In the steps of your dance!

Did you say me I don’t speak Hindi?

With Rita in Festival

I did not think I should speak because

My tongue is not easy to copy your tone

Because I was busy listening you

In the gathering that you invited me!

Did you say I look different?

I did not notice that my skin was

Slightly different from yours

Because I see both of us dark

I didn't know that you like to be a foreigner!

I was worshiping with Indian colleagues

Did you say I did not dance like you?

I did not know that I was lost

In the beauty of your dance copying the steps

That I was in love intensely, and I have forgotten

My nationality, language, and color

Because I was in love of rituals and cultures

No matter I was really different from you!

Best Dashain Afar From Home!

Best Dashain Afar From Home!

The gathering with best thought and best wishes

Full of enthusiasm and hopes, I see you all today

No matter what you are or what you did not like

No matter what it was or what I could be

I was pleased to see you all together

With the same hope and interest there!

My folks with the same blood, and bread

With the same origin and the same root

Full of enthusiasm and hope, I see you all today

The festive mood, the force of occasion

I see you all with the same interest

Coming under the same roof for this moment!

I forgot the unforgotten past

I forgot the pain of death and missed

And I was pleased being with you all together

Again for this festival with you all around

Under the same roof, under the philosophy

Of being a Nepali in abroad with hopes and dreams

To celebrate the festival with common ends!

My heart was full of joys and merrymaking

Though I was afar in my reality owing to death in the family

Still I see you folks around me—dear brothers and sisters

We were blessed to be together all members under the same roof

With the same hopes and dreams celebrating our joyful dashian

No matter how far we are from homes and relatives

Yet we observed the day with interests and blessings!

Dashain on the other end of telephone

Dashain on the other end of telephone

I dialed "that" number years later

To celebrate Dashain, the national festival back in home,

To recall sweet days of happy gathering, and blessings from

Dad, mom, elders, and other relatives!

Number changed, things happened and voice changed

I did not know that it was my younger brother, I did not know that

I was my younger sister, then it was my dad, and it was my mom on the phone—

Because words were sweet, dear, loving and full of blessings and belonging.

I was in the paradise of a happy family with each of them,

I saw a lovely home, full of relatives, sweet festive melodies in the background, roses and flowers in the garden, blessings, and colors.

Dashain—the national festival of Nepalese!

It was more meaningful, more colorful more than it used be when I was home, that I felt

On the other end of telephone!

First time the Dashain on the telephone.

Mom told me that brother passed his medical doctor, and became an army officer

Dad repeated the success of my brother; the great sister also reminded they haven't forgotten me!

Little sister expected her dakchhina/ money for her college,

Things got changed, I regretted for not making a call for so long, years!

I was lost in thoughts why I could not call my "happy" family!

Mom continued her blessings, dad repeated her lines

The big sister wished a good luck and victory of Dashain rituals,

I was spellbound, and kept on listening on the other end of telephone.

Time healed my wound---the one I got in my growing,

Mom acknowledged the success of her fifth grade son with an F

Dad acknowledged the talent of the boy whom he picked up on the road,

Who transformed the fifth grader with an A+, but

The road boy was ignored somewhere in "that" fifteen years,

Things got changed—dad and mom once thanked the past—the road boy

 On the other end the telephone!

I felt Dashain in Jonesboro existed

In my sweet memories, in my sweet past15 years—

All being a paradise on the other end of telephone!

The Last Song/Love

The Last Song/Love!

Wish it could not be the last this moment

Of my breathing, of seeing the beautiful world!

I could not know myself, and could not see further

Being lost in illusive things that I entangled with

Or I was blind not seeing you enough near!

Learnt what you learnt is not enough to gauge

The directions you like to focus, the love you like

To grow out of it—but just get mingled one after another

Into the messy charm of confusion—and keep on moving

Love after love, love after love, love after love

With no love enough to grow in your real life!

I ignored my growing, my past and my surrounding

And moved away from all whom I belonged to for ages

Disguised myself, got altered my blood, foods and culture

But yet I'm not what I meant to be—because I got lost and disguised,

Into the wildness of bountiful world without knowing it!

Half life gone—sleeping, eating, and thinking but nothing fruitful

If it goes, without knowing reality, beauty, and truth

I am moving away from the whole life, from the whole love!

I should run and grab—my past, my parents, my siblings and my blood!

(After watching Ronnie (Miley Cyrus)'s role in The Last Song,  a film based on Nicholas Sparks' novel)

Friday Night with Adam, Kathleen and Rachel

A night as it used to be,
The Friday night in my little world,
I just stopped watching "Mr. Deeds"--
Adam Sandler made me laughed,
Cried, jumped, and did not know--
Happiness just comes like that unheard uncle's death!

I could not go away from my little world,
Kathleen Benner (Sydney) and Rachel Owen (Jane)
Stopped me with "Running on Empty Dreams"--
One with happily married life, and another with
Unexpected death of Sydney with cancer--
I stopped there for a moment thinking
How life goes like that! A short life here!

One comedy with fun, and another with family
Little with lesbians plight --and reality bites! 

Chasing Dreams

Chasing Dreams

Headless horse riding men and women

Like in those fairy tales of my grandpa who

Narrated me thirty springs ago in his village

Are chasing me sometimes in my dreams

Other times in my everyday life whom

I cross encountered again in his village.

Thousands oceans afar I make my living

With vista of those childhood memories,

And some dreams that I dared to grow

In those sweet sixteen when I fell in love

With unseen world and unmarked achievements,

And I am puzzled today with bygone days.

The higher I am in my ivory tower

Of dreamed world, the clearer I see:

Headless men, women, horses, and fallen houses

Still walking, still living, still coming,

Closer to my body in this crowed New York where

I did not see my grandma, and her children.

 Picture Source: Headless Fairy Tale